A Death in the Family

My Mom and Dad 2005

Sam, Saturday afternoon with the finished casket

My Mom died yesterday. It was quiet, graceful, and not unexpected, but still, as always, a shock. I'm happy she made it to the 4th as my birthday is the 3rd and forever after would have been tinged with a sort of bittersweetness. Now though, I can think that every 4th of July party is a little bit for her, fireworks included. I practiced that concept last night and though it was hard for me, my friends agreed it was a good thought. As I did for my father two years ago, I built the casket along with my two boys, my wife, and my employeees. Everybody pitched in and it went more quickly and smoothly than the last time. My mother was a quilter and I took that as an inspiration. The red, white and blue was, believe it or not, an accident ... She always liked blue .... Building a casket for a loved one is a cleansing experience and was summed up beautifully in an email I got from a client after I told her the news. I hope that she doesn't mind that I share it here.

"Hi, I'm very sorry to hear the news about your mother. You and your boys making the casket is really special. She will be enveloped by people that love her. I told you how much I love the smell of the wood in my dressing room furniture, it makes me think about the furniture like it has life and significance. I get it that it feels cleansing to you to do this for her. It didn't sound grim to me, more like a very special goodbye."

That about says it all.

Click the pictures to enlarge them

End of the first day

A quilt my mother made for us

The quilt inlay

Hardware

My father's casket ... 6/27/06

Casket Dimension Info

I'd like to amend my comments below in the more clear light of several days later. I don't want to have anyone head into a project like this at a difficult time without knowing that it's a big one that you probably can't complete without considerable experienced help. Looking back and talking with my two sons who helped me and guestimating how much time my other employees spent, I have to say that it probably took between 80 and 90 manhours total. Of course if you eliminate the quilt inlay and buy the hardware rather then making your own, and do a simpler finish, you could probably halve that effort. Still, it's a great thing to do, but not something to be undertaken lightly. My original post is below, written on the day before we actually finished. I don't regret a second of it ......

This is something you too can do. I've done it twice now and it feels like you're accepting the death but also doing something about it. No matter what the funeral directors say, there's a law that says they have to use what you give them if it fits in the vault .... I had trouble getting construction information on short notice so here's some help if you find yourself in the same situation. Inside dimensions of my mother's casket are , 22 x 73 x 12.5 .. industry standard vault dimensions into which it must fit are, I believe, 84L x 28 W x 23 H ...Design backwards from the outside in. Rule of thumb is four inches wider and 5 inches longer then the person. The hardware has to fold probably ... Please check with your funeral director to confirm dimensions. Keep it simple ...